I sit tired after a 4 hour sleep. Its odd, I never thought I would make it alive through a day with only 4 hours, as if I would be walking around in a fog. I feel a slight fog, but my brain still functions decently.
Forks in my path await my decisions, but I have yet the will to face them. I wonder what kind of character that makes me? I regretfully revert to destructiveness as I have this past week.
I have many wants. I desire my own business. The limitless potential of earning power pulls me toward such an excursion. I wonder what is holding me back. Many endeavors require licenses of sorts, which I have but small feelings of indifferent for achieving. I need to identify what is holding me back from making a decision in that area. I really dont know what I want to do in that aspect. What am I waiting for? I skip from idea to idea because I don't like the scalability of a business choice or I don't like the tasks ahead to create such a sustainable income. Am I supposed to like every part of the business? I do recall in a couple of entrepreneurial interviews that a good amount of tasks were unlikable, yet they were a part of the process of getting a business off the ground and it is that process that is fun, so I guess it would be bittersweet.
I still come back to the idea of irrigation. Is it the fact that I had an excellent chance of taking over a business and I blew it due to laziness and the lack of drive? Maybe it is a notion I get that I feel I must redeem my poor mistake of letting that chance just slip right through my hands.
I feel the need to get back to the subject, but a further issue presses. I worry that the course of computer science is not the course I want to be on. It has been the story of my life for the past 8 years. Maybe it is because of this entrepreneurial feeling I get inside. It is most likely borne of the fact that I cannot personally find a business in the field that I am anywhere near qualified to start, unless it involves building a product. Maybe I should write a list of 20 solutions to 20 problems or bottlenecks that would cause a person to purchase the product for. Maybe this upcoming job opportunity I so sold myself short on will renew my interest in creating a business or staying involved in the field. Is software what I want to do? I can stop asking these questions because right now, I am in business mode. I want my own business. I will meditate on that for a few.
